Without looking up or down, just facing forward──. Taking the commander's words as a lesson, Kota Tokiwa, who has reached the time to soar, found a new dream beyond the open view.
In his first professional year last season, the day after the opening match, Coach Rikizo MATSUHASHI said these words to me.
"Do not overestimate yourself, nor underestimate yourself. You must evaluate yourself appropriately. If you overestimate yourself and become impatient, you will suffer from the large gap between where you are now and where you think you should be. Conversely, it is meaningless to underestimate yourself and see yourself as less capable than you are. Objectively, or rather, correctly evaluate yourself to discern what you can and cannot do."
With those words in mind, I have spent my days. I volunteered to participate in morning practice and self-training to improve in order to play in matches. I spent a lot of time on basic drills like stopping and kicking, steadily increasing what I could do. Even so, I only stood on the pitch in seven Meiji Yasuda J1 League matches. This off-season, Tokiwa faced himself and made an unwavering resolution.
"I thought that if I couldn't perform well this season, it would be the end of my career as a soccer player, so I felt like I had no more chances left. I approached the camp with the mindset that this season was a decisive year, my last chance. To show that determination, I increased the amount of training and running during the off-season."
The team's demeanor was different from the day they started. However, it was not an expression filled with despair. Tokiwa said, "Every practice is like an official match," and gave his all every day. By the time the Okinawa Itoman camp began, a sense of fulfillment began to show on their faces.
"I didn't drastically change anything. I always had determination in mind, but I also thought I should not forget to enjoy football. I didn't get so caught up in what was right in front of me that I lost sight of my surroundings; the pure joy of loving football and my determination matched well together."
There were three practice matches arranged during the camp. With fierce determination, they approached it thinking, "This is the key to overturning the situation." From the first external match of the season against Nagoya Grampus, they had already shown a glimpse of difference and growth.
"I felt confident during practice, but being able to do it in practice alone means nothing. During the camp, I just wanted to play matches as soon as possible. That’s how good the feeling was in practice, and I was excited to see how much of that I could show in the games. However, my position in the practice matches didn’t change much from last season at first. I thought I understood how others evaluated me, and I also knew that if I didn’t do something in the three camp matches, it would be difficult to start in the opening lineup."
It was just after the mid-camp match against Sanfrecce Hiroshima. With a confident face, Tokiwa spoke joyfully like this.
"Previously, the place where I received the ball was not good, and I was flustered after receiving it. Through self-practice, I was able to find a spot where I wouldn't lose the ball and where I could place it safely. I also gradually understood where to position myself in relation to the opponent's distance."
And perhaps he grasped something. "Suddenly, my vision opened up wide," he said with a beaming smile. In the final day of the camp against Vissel Kobe, he finally joined the main squad and became a key player in creating scoring opportunities, giving his all before returning to Tokyo.
"I was able to fully express all the good feelings and characteristics I had grasped within myself, and I was confident that I played well enough that if I wasn't chosen for the starting lineup, it would be unavoidable. Being able to demonstrate that against a high-level opponent gave me confidence."
Heaven helps those who help themselves.
The days spent building up at Kodaira Ground do not lie. In the Meiji Yasuda J1 100th Year Vision League opening match against Kashima Antlers, Tokiwa was named in the starting lineup.
"They were last season's champions, and I was able to be fearless against Kashima, who is leading the J.League. I don't think anyone imagined I would be in the starting lineup for the opening match. I was truly in a position where I had nothing to lose, so there were no negative thoughts or pessimism at all; I was just excited. I also had a firm confidence that I could perform. However, since I had hardly ever started a match personally, there were unknown factors, wondering how far I could compete and how much of my play I could show. I thought that if we won against Kashima here, the team could gain momentum, so I really focused only on positive thoughts while playing. The opponent had a player sent off early in the game, so I think it's hard to evaluate, but I believe I gained a sense of accomplishment and confidence within that."
Played against last year's champion for 77 minutes, and the team also secured a good start by winning in the penalty shootout. From here, the great run of Tokiwa and Aoseki begins.
"I don't think of myself as an absolute player, nor is my starting position guaranteed every match. It truly feels like a survival battle every single game to see if I can make it through. There wasn't a single week where I could let my guard down. However, with each match I played, I gained a sense of accomplishment and also discovered challenges. I developed a cycle of how to tackle those challenges. Every game held clues for growth, and there were moments when the results of my training efforts became evident, which boosted my confidence even more. It was a continuous cycle."
This season's special tournament has seen continuous participation in all 11 matches so far, during which the growth cycle has kept turning. The hints and challenges picked up have become part of the very essence.
In Sec. 3 against Kawasaki Frontale, I couldn't take the ball from Wakisaka, who I was matched up against. Realizing that even my confident defense has room for improvement, I couldn't help but smile.
"Personally, it's also about the tactics, and the moment I thought I could take the ball, the ability to cancel or change judgment was surprising. I realized I can improve my defense more, that I'm lacking, and that I need to work harder."
Lost 0-2 to Kashiwa Reysol in Sec. 4 and bit my lip.
"With the confidence gained from adding myself to the buildup that has been developed since last season, I was able to bring more stability to the organization, but personally, I was not allowed to do anything offensively against Kashiwa."
Tokiwa said, "But personally, that made me happy," revealing this.
"After the match, a player from Kashiwa told me, 'Your name came up in the meeting,' and I finally realized that the opposing team had started to prepare countermeasures against me. When they countered me and neutralized my strengths, I felt a new potential for growth in figuring out what to do next. Of course, I was frustrated and felt that I needed to do more, but it was a match that made me believe I could reach a higher level if I improved."
On the pitch in Kodaira, where there is neither victory nor defeat, I have continued to face solitary practice. Therefore, everything gained from matches becomes nourishment for growth and transforms into joy.
Because there were relentless days, every time they step onto the pitch, they say "I'm excited." That was the result of continuous effort carried on since last season.
"There is no point in feeling anxious before the match. I believe that feeling nervous or losing confidence in myself comes from not having confidence in the efforts I have built up so far. Although I still have a long way to go, I have done what I can. I always give 100 percent in practice, and if that’s not enough, I think I can just practice more. I want to think about how much I have grown this week and what I have gained from this one match, and then try to apply that again."
By participating in the match, a sense of responsibility and awareness of wearing the blue and red also emerged.
"If you don't have the mindset that losing is entirely your responsibility, you shouldn't step onto that pitch. When the team does well, I think it's thanks to everyone; when we lose, I think it's because I wasn't good enough. The frustration of not being able to start in the Verdy match was less than the frustration of FC Tokyo losing to Verdy. I believe that after directing all the arrows at myself, I can work to influence the team."
Originally, Tokiwa was not a player blessed with innate talent. Even so, he always faced himself honestly, steadily building up what he lacked and growing. He expresses his gratitude in words in this way to the coaches from his academy days who supported him.
"Looking back at myself in junior high and high school, I don't know if I felt any potential as a player. I'm sure I wasn't the kind of player who made people think, 'This guy looks like he'll improve.' It's precisely because I used everything I had, including my mind, to compete that I am where I am now. I am grateful to FC Tokyo for recognizing that side of me, and both at U-15 Fukagawa and U-18, they faced me head-on and nurtured me. I want to show the academy players, with this feeling of gratitude, that even a player like me can compete in the J1 League. That will be a way to repay the coaches who taught me and also serve as an episode proving that even with my physical abilities, you can achieve results as a professional. That's why I want to perform even better. If I can reach overseas or the Japan national team from here, the academy coaches will be able to say, 'If Tokiwa could make it, anyone can if they work hard.' I believe that continuously achieving results and reaching a high level is the best way to express my gratitude."
Neither looking up nor down, just facing forward──. The opened view also changed the height.
The elevated perspective showed Tokiwa a new scenery.
I think having vague dreams or incredibly big goals is a good thing. But I have always looked at things realistically and lived while looking a little ahead. Last season, my goal was to play in matches. Now that I am playing in matches, if I were to talk about a goal a little further ahead, it might be to play overseas or for the Japan national team. Over the past year, my perspective on that has completely changed, and I now see it as a realistic goal. To make it more personal, I have no choice but to level up. While always being conscious of that, the players who can lead their teams to victory are the most highly valued in this world. I want to become a player who is said, 'If this guy is here, the team can win,' or 'If Tokiwara plays for FC Tokyo, we can win.' I want to make Tokyo champions and become a player who can bear all the responsibility.
Weaving careful days, a new goal was found──. The words conveyed by Coach Matsuhashi that day have become a compass for Tokiwa to survive in this world. Even though the scenery changes, he always tells himself that phrase.
"Do not overestimate yourself, nor underestimate yourself"
(Honorifics omitted in the text)
Text by Kohei Baba (Freelance Writer)
